Initiating divorce options to your life partner is an emotionally draining task. The introducer needs the superhuman strength he could summon in order to bring about this revolting topic. Unfortunately, divorce is a nasty and painful experience that some couples have to go through. After all, it’s the man (or woman) you promised to spend the rest of life with that you would need to leave. Furthermore, divorce entails pain, hurt and conflict on both sides.
The introducer to the idea of divorce may be groping in the dark of ways how to break the bad news to his partner. Initially, he may be the one taking the toil of stress. So what does one have to do? How does one present the option of divorce to his partner?
Do not just walk away. You may be tempted to flee and save your face from humiliation or from your spouse’s sad look. And yes, this may be the easiest option at hand. However, before doing so… just think for a single moment the suffering you will unwittingly give your family due to immaturity, cowardice and unfinished business. Divorce is one rough ride and if you want to save that remaining respect from your soon-to-be-ex and kids, be brave for once and face your spouse in that inevitable conversation.
Do not procrastinate the inevitable. Procrastination will only mean prolonging the time of inward suffering. Whether you like it or not, what’s inside you will reveal itself in little ways. And those little ways will catch the attention of your partner or in some case… your kids. The silent agony of irreparable things adequately screams that hidden part of you through your actions, the sad look in your eyes and shallow laughter. People around you aren’t that calloused! They, too, can sense that something’s really wrong and it’s just a matter of time when they can stick their thumbs to it. Hence, talk to your spouse about what’s wrong and what you want immediately. For old time’s sake, talk with your spouse before you wag those divorce sheets in front of his or her nose.
Talk with your spouse in a private place. Where do you need to talk with your spouse? A private place will do. Make it possible that both of you will be far away from your kids. You may want to talk about divorce as full-grown adults despite the hopelessness and conflict present in this case. Spare the kids from the full impact of the upcoming confrontation which will be –more likely than not— ugly, emotional and stressing.
Break it to her or him gently. Imagine just how you would break the news about a dead loved one to your family… that’s how you should brought up divorce. Despite this gentleness, powerful feelings will surely overflow. Hence, be sure to condition yourself beforehand that you wouldn’t use strong or foul language in front of your partner. Think of it this way: how would you feel if you were on his (or her) shoes? Wouldn’t you feel the same? Moreover, opt for a neutral language. Use the pronoun “I” and don’t put all the blame on your partner.
Be prepared for violence all the drama. This is more likely to happen on wives than husbands. If you’re the husband, do not return the assault your wife will be giving you. Remember that you’re not that foul monster she’s thinking you are already. Despite the differences, remember that friendship and respect are yet two things worth saving for. Moreover, be firm of your decision despite the drama exhibited. Bear in mind that this is what you really want.
Be generous to offer your options of arrangements. Introduce this to your spouse when he or she has calmed down. This may take hours and days but be patient in waiting for the right timing. When your spouse is already willing to talk, give her your options and be willing to hear his or her demands. Talking about arrangements may also mean that a solicitor will be present for any legal action you want to take place.
Be willing to suggest and commit divorce counseling. Divorce brings a wide-range of array of emotional strains and trauma. Face it, both of you would want to talk it over after things has somewhat mellowed down, and this time it should be in the presence of a professional counselor. It will be helpful for both of you and your kids.