Most women consider motherhood as their very essence. Who can contest such belief? Without women and motherhood, humans cannot propagate the world with their presence, ability, dominance and camaraderie. But what happens when an expecting woman or mother loses the life within her? A life she expects to bear witness of her very essence and to articulate that very essence to the whole world.
Statistic shows that out of five pregnancies, one lead to miscarriage. However, this does not mean that a woman who had a miscarriage experience (or experiences) may no longer bear babies in the near future. But then again, a depressed mother may believe otherwise. If you have a friend or a loved one undergoing this depressing time, take heed of the following steps to reach out to her and her partner:
Give all the support you can give. The first four weeks after miscarriage is very crucial for the woman who had lost her baby. It is, therefore, advised to be with her as often as possible; giving her all the support you can be able to give. Furthermore, don’t leave out her partner or the father of the child. He may not look like it, but he also needs comforting words. What is the best way to do? Inform them of facts. Books, videos and even short articles found right in Google will be your best tools. Feeding their minds with reliable truths helps their mind be conditioned and help them get over their grief. As rational people say, “It’s just a matter of conditioning the mind.”
Have some friends and family come over. There’s no better comfort than in the arms of those who love you. This is the most important time to surround and lavish her with love. Let her and him know that a lot of people care about them. However, duly note and let these sympathizers know that they must be careful not to rekindle negative emotions. Cited: “Poor darling, you must be hurting awfully.” “Don’t worry. You can make another one anytime.” Be more sensible when parting on your words. Remember that these are very emotional times. Careless statements may even spark anger and stress her even more.
Lend her a hand in simple household chores. Simple activities around the house may be too much for her during this crucial time. Volunteer to assist her inside the house. You may also baby sit her other children (in case there are any). You may offer her meals, do laundry for or with her, answer the calls, take care of her dog or cat… anything! Along with these chores, talk with her and reminisce good times –but do this carefully and naturally.
Have a regular contact with her and him. Depression is at its peak during silence. Meaning, most negative thoughts occur when a person is alone or feels lonely. Sending text messages and having short phone calls let them know that you care… that someone cares. This will mean everything to them, and this is also self-gratifying on your side. Love and compassion are the most effective healing methods for those who are emotionally (or spiritually) broken.
Offer a prayer. They may not feel like it, but you, yourself can be able to do it for them. Utter a simple prayer for the grieving couple. Know that a higher power cares and listens. There are things in life we may not understand, but know that all things serve their purpose. Moreover, you as a comforter know that a greater Comforter grants healing and gives another life.